The idea of dating after a long-term relationship leaving your heart broken can be scary. The rules have changed, and as much as you want to find a new love, you feel quite lost. You still can find new love, even considering that dating again as your heart recovers from its wounds is already a good sign.
Before getting back to dating after a long-term relationship, you need to consider a few things. First, you need to find who yourself is as a single person. Having a blank canvas when you’re painting is so much better than painting over an old picture. Do yourself a favor and be reminded that dating won’t be like how it is in the movies. If you do, you’re only setting yourself up for a string of disappointments. You also need to prepare yourself to survive through, maybe, a dozen or so date nights because love doesn’t come easily.
Here are more things you need to take into account before getting back to dating after a long-term relationship:
4) Date people from different parts of the spectrum
You might think that your previous romantic relationship makes you an expert when it comes to dating, but you’re wrong. After a long-term relationship, it’s perfectly understandable to think that you know what you want and what you don’t. Besides, this is how you were able to find a relationship that lasted so long. But, you also need to remember that that relationship also ended and left you with a wounded heart.
While you’re not solely to blame for your previous relationship, it would be wise to stop employing the same old strategies when you’re searching for a new love. Because the reality is, there doesn’t exist a single way to find a new person whom you could possibly spend the rest of your life with.
Allow yourself to be surprised by dating women who come from different parts of the spectrum. You might discover that your type five years ago is no longer the kind of person you want to give all your love to.
There is so much fun and lessons to learn in meeting a variety of personalities. Not only does this give you the opportunities to see the world from a different perspective, it also provides the chance to experiment.
5) Never assume that the person you’re dating isn’t seeing other people
It might be another absolutely unnecessary heartbreaking moment, but you need to remind yourself that you aren’t the only one looking for love. Your date is, too. Until it comes from them, never assume that the person you’re dating isn’t seeing anyone apart from you.
She might not offer that piece of information when you first talk to her. That’s not because she wants to lie to you or wants to hurt you. She simply is in the process of looking for the right person. Besides, you also are seeing other people.
There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just the norm these days. It isn’t an indication that she will be cheating on you. Wait until you’re sure of your feelings for the other person before suggesting that you become exclusive.
6) Be emotionally resilient
Dating can take its toll on you especially when you still haven’t found the person whom you can share your life with after several months.
That’s why it’s important to build up your emotional resilience when you get back to dating after a long-term relationship. Not everyone you meet will be nice. The person may seem like the ideal partner on paper but in reality, when you finally get to meet her, she is almost a completely different person from the one she described in her online dating profile.
Keeping yourself from becoming too emotionally involved after only a short time will save you from heartbreak when you discover the masks come off, and you realize that you’ve mistaken the person you’re dating to someone you can dedicate your life to.
7) Don’t detach yourself too much
Building up your emotional resilience to protect yourself from future disappointments and heartbreak and not becoming emotionally involved too soon don’t translate to surrounding yourself with a wall so tall and thick, and you become detached.
In order to find love, you need to keep an open mind and an open heart. These are the only ways so you can build new bridges and new connections with the people you meet on your journey toward finding a new love.
Too much emotional involvement after a short time is indeed extreme. And so is protecting yourself to the point where you become detached from the people you’re seeing. What this does is hide your true self from the person who could possibly be the one you’re waiting for. Always remember to never let yourself get in the way of your chance to find happiness in love even if it means breaking the walls you have surrounded yourself with.
8) Relearn how to communicate with people
You should never assume that what worked for you before will work again. If you’re seeing someone who’s younger than you, keep in mind that she looks at dating and finding love from a different perspective and yours might come off as too old-fashioned. On the other hand, if you’re dating someone of a similar age and probably has gone through similar experiences that you have, you need to be sensitive and remind yourself that, like you, she isn’t wasting her time on meaningless connections.
It’s important to stretch your social muscles and relearn how to communicate and flirt with people. Your old ones may still be useful, but you also need to adapt them so that they don’t seem out of place in the modern world you’re now living and looking for love in.
9) Don’t lose hope because of horrible dates
Think of finding the Queen of Hearts in a shuffled deck of cards. Unless you’re some super lucky being, it will take quite a while before you find it.
The cards you get before the Queen of Hearts are like horrible dates in a way. Sure, they aren’t very promising and make you lose hope, but you shall not surrender.
Horrible dates can teach you a thing or two about yourself and the dating process. Sometimes, dates can go horribly wrong but neither you nor your date is to blame. It can be as unfortunate as bad tacos.
Instead of being discouraged, keep these horrible dates in mind and tell your future dates about that one time you ate bad tacos that resulted in your worst food-poisoning experience ever. Not only is it funny, it also demonstrates to your date how much of an optimistic person you are.
10) Dating is and should be, fun
After a long-term relationship, it’s easy to view dating as a mere series of tasks you have to go through before you end up with someone else. That mind you, is the wrong mindset.
Dating is fun, and it should be fun no matter how many interesting personalities you have sat with across the table. It can help you rediscover yourself and help you figure out what you want when you get into a relationship again.
Hopefully, this one will be for keeps.
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