What causes unrequited love and how to deal with that

Posted by on August 25th, 2020 in Dating advice
unrequited love

A lot of men feel that they have no control over whom they feel attracted to, which sometimes results in unrequited love – that is the theme of countless love songs and romantic poems.

When someone doesn’t love you back….

This is the most painful obsession which keeps you awake at night. You spend long hours looking at her Instagram photos and Facebook updates. You secretly hope that she is not posting a photo which shows you that she is in love with someone else.

Please only love women who love you back. If you can use this principle, you can’t go wrong.

That is easier said than done. I know.

Usually, what causes being trapped by unrequited love is a lack of standards, lack of confidence and lack of other traits which stop you from moving on.

Like any love, unrequited love is a complicated subject. Yet I have discovered several factors that could make you chase a lost cause.

The first factor is that you project qualities onto a woman that she does not have. When you are in scarcity mode, this can happen quite easily. Maybe she is intelligent, beautiful and elegant, then you fill in all the blanks and assume that she represents your perfect partner.

Truthfully, you don’t really know her until you have dated her in real life and seen how she operates in love and in life.

Perfection is a joke because it does not exist. You should see her as a normal human with imperfection. She is not an ideal. Do not overlook her negative traits.

Stop impressing her and start to give her opportunities to impress you.

Just because a woman seems to be great does not necessarily mean she is a good candidate for you.

Please do not put anyone on a pedestal simply because they seem to be wonderful. She still has much more to prove before you decide she is the right woman.

A typical victim of unrequited love is someone who spends all their spare time figuring out ways to win that person over, trying very hard to adapt himself to her likes and dislikes so as to become ideal for her and scheming about how he can be alone with her.

In this process, this guy forgets to think of his own needs. He simply invests in her more and more. Remember: you can’t logically convince someone to fall in love with you. End of story.

If you need to logically convince her to fall for you, it means she doesn’t love you because love is an emotional decision rather than a logical decision.

A much better approach is to invest in a woman who also invests in you. Initially, it might be difficult to get into this headspace. Yet once you try it, it’s a very powerful mindset you should totally be in. As long as you have a clear picture of everything you need in a romantic relationship and a sense of what you actually deserve, you will establish the right standards that a woman must meet in order to be with you.

In other words, when your self-esteem is high, you are not needy. You have high standards that women have to meet in the first place.

Let’s say you do not feel amazing – you don’t think you are a great catch. In that case, you need to realize that this feeling is probably a wake-up call that you have to work on yourself so as to feel worthy of a wonderful woman.

Do not use love to make your life complete. Those who fall into the trap of unrequited love tend to hope that their secret crush can make their lives complete. They literally want to be saved by someone else.

They are basically saying, “If I can be with that woman, I will be saved from the boring existence.”

But in actuality, no one can be responsible for your happiness. Only you can be responsible for that.

Please show your romantic interest confidently.

If you are stuck in the friend zone, it possibly means you don’t have the confidence to show romantic interest in women.

When you keep your desire concealed due to fear of rejection, women would see you as a friend only. So, you have to be comfortable with expressing your desires early and learn how to flirt with women in the right ways.

After showing romantic interest, if a woman gives you a rejection, you simply accept it as it is.

It is what it is. Period.

If you can’t take no for an answer, you are giving yourself too much pain and struggles. Usually, being unable to accept rejection is caused by low self-esteem. You have to handle the situation in a mature and healthy way.

When you seriously want to change her mind and make her a project to work on & win over, this mindset stops you from moving on in a positive way and finding a woman who actually likes you for who you really are.

My ultimate advice is to have a much bigger purpose or mission in life than being liked by a particular woman. You have to know when to cut your losses and find somebody who truly likes you. Once a woman has made up her mind, you can’t change her mind romantically no matter how much time you spend trying to convince her.

I know attraction isn’t really a choice, but chasing a lost cause is certainly a choice. You can decide to move on right now and start the process of getting your sanity back!

It’s perfectly okay for you to take the short-term pain and meet someone else who reciprocate your genuine love and radical affection.

Do you want to be liked or do you want to be respected?

Naturally attractive men are not people pleasers at all.

They are pleasant to talk to; however, they do not set out in every conversation to be liked by other people. They choose to be respected.

A very attractive man prioritizes things that matter to him such as his business or his family rather than trying to impress a woman who does not respect him. An attractive guy does not bend his beliefs. He is happy and willing to walk away if a woman does not love him back.

Attractive guys are able to communicate their needs in an assertive and calm manner. Look, respect is not really about gaining more power and becoming competitive. It’s actually about doing what actually feels right to yourself and you are not sorry. Even if a woman disagrees with you, she will respect you more when you stick to your own standards.

“Being liked in the moment is far from enough to generate sustainable attraction in the long term. You need your girlfriend to respect you at all times. Full stop.”

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