The first three months of dating could be the most crucial in a couple’s life. This is the time when you both get to know each other, and this period may set the tone for the rest of your relationship’s lifetime. Thus, it is crucial to ensure that you both are approaching your dating period in a way that lets you both get to know each other, without necessarily showing your most obnoxious sides.
The First Three Months: What To Expect
Maybe you’re the more informed between the two of you. Maybe you read more relationship magazines, and you’re more likely to apply what you learned. That’s okay. Just set YOUR own expectations, so that you won’t feel disappointed when something doesn’t go according to your perspective.
Know that the other person may put their best foot forward. As mentioned, maybe you’re one of those people who are very informed about dating and relationships, thanks to EliteDaily, ThoughtCatalog, LifeHack.org, HelloGiggles, ElephantJournal, and even BuzzFeed. Maybe you personally prefer to show your “true” self, even as you work towards being considerate towards the other person. However, know that most likely, the person will be putting their best foot forward, and you’ll have to wait for the other shoe to drop. Be patient, and watch for little cues that may be deal-breakers for you.
No “chemistry” at the start doesn’t mean the end of the world. Some people give up on a good date because they feel like there was no “chemistry” on the first date. What does “chemistry” mean, anyway? What if it was a bad week for you? For your date? For both of you? Maybe the dinner was undercooked, or overcooked. Maybe it was humid. Don’t give up on a bad first date, unless the other person really seemed to be a jerk. Be open, and allow yourself at least 3 to 5 dates before writing off the prospect.
If you’re a neat freak, expect the other person to be a slob. Maybe you guys think it’s okay to visit each other’s apartments by the third date. If you’re a neat freak, expect yourself to be the exception to the greater majority. Most people are slobs, and most cannot afford a daily housekeeper, so expect them to keep a messier house than yours.
The First Three Months: The Stance To Take
There is no “right way” to go about in dating, of course. In this life, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go about things, but there certainly are “wiser ways” to do things. There’s a way to jump right into a train wreck, and there’s a way to date and come out of it unscathed, even enriched emotionally, if ever things don’t work out.
Enter the dating connection with the intention to learn. Whether it’s to learn how to treat yourself better even in a dating relationship, to learn how to treat others better, in general, or to find out things about yourself that you never knew you had, keeping a stance of learning will help you approach the dating connection with positivity, and with your best interests in mind.
Enter the dating connection with the desire to come out of it, always, a better person. Most people enter the dating relationship without a plan. Which may be the reason why breakups blindside them, and they just end up getting dragged along with their feelings and the fallout of the breakup. But if you choose to enter the dating relationship with a higher objective, which is to come out of it a better person, you will be able to remind yourself when the bad feelings set in. You will be able to remind yourself that you can rise above the bad feelings, the parting of ways, and you can choose to remember the good things you’ve learned while you dated that specific person.
Keep one eye on red flags, but always, always keep an attitude that you’re in this to enjoy, and yes, to learn. If you entered the dating relationship bracing to look for your prospective significant other’s possible red flags or flaws, tweak this attitude a little. Yes, be aware of the possibility that red flags could, may possibly, would probably, show up or be apparent to you at this time. However, always bear in mind that you’re here to enjoy being with the person, and even the presence of the person themselves, so don’t focus on weeding out the red flags. Rather, focus on enjoying the moment with the person and learning what you can: About life, about them, about you.
Never think that this person is “the one” until they show the signs that they are, and that they reciprocate the perception. Sadly, a lot of women take the stance wherein they think that any and every man that they date is “the one” and so, this attitude comes across as “desperation.” Men sense this attitude, especially when the woman is being clingy, and usually run the other way, stat. So hold off on doodling hearts or planning your wedding. Let the moment, especially the first three months, unfold as it is. Be in the present: Enjoy your dates, enjoy your moments together, and don’t see it as anything more or less than what it is, until you both come to an agreement that it’s time to take the relationship to the next stage.
If it doesn’t work out, then bring the lessons with you. Don’t “close the doors” slamming. This is the quickest way that you can see the whole world with negativity. But if you chose to come into the dating relationship with the stance of desiring to learn then making sure that you leave it intact, whole, and better for it, plus with the lessons learned in tow, you’ll heal faster and come out of the experience with the very important life lessons that you were supposed to learn. Unless you take this stance, you’ll poison the next 6 months to 2 years with the disappointments and the heartaches of the breakup. When you take a positive, learning stance, though, you’ll be able to see the lessons, appreciate the moment with the person, and be able to see even the breakup as a good thing.
The first three months of a dating relationship may be wine and roses at the start, but approach it with a positive outlook, even as you take the other’s, and even your own, imperfections. With the right attitudes and perspectives towards the dating relationship, you will be able to live in the moment as you should—with the goal to learn and be enhanced, as you work to enhance the other person in the dating connection. So here’s to your first three months!