“When my first girlfriend left me for someone else, I was sad, so my mentor told me that all relationships end via death or divorce – my first girlfriend and her new partner wouldn’t be together forever – I know my mentor was trying to make me feel better,” says Justin, “But three years ago, my wife passed away suddenly in an accident and I live alone with our two kids. As I have a full-time job and have to take care of young kids as well, it feels nearly impossible for me to find energy and time to date. I can’t even believe that a woman would be attracted to me, as I have very limited free time, I miss having an emotional connection with someone though. Could you please tell me how to find the motivation to date right now?”
- Take action to start dating again.
Justin’s situation isn’t rare because there are many single dads looking to start dating again. If you are in a similar situation, my advice in this article will probably help you improve your love life.
I understand how challenging the situation can be: you have been dealing with the loss and spending as much time as possible to look after your children. I think the fact that you are willing to start dating again is an absolutely beautiful and positive thing. Now the key is to actually realize that even the smallest action in the right direction is good progress, although it may not lead to the best new relationship immediately. I appreciate that your time is quite limited, so please think about it more in this way: Could I possibly find one window each week to make some time for this area of my life? For example, you might get a drink and go to the museum – this could potentially bring new environments as well as new connections into the next chapter of your life.
While you are taking baby steps gradually, you will notice that you don’t need to have the final result yet to create the feeling of happiness of doing something towards your goal.
As I see it, what makes you stagnate is when you feel like you have a need but you are not doing anything to address that. Because you are doing something to address it, there is no regret.
Taking action can be as easy as joining a dating website or starting a conversation with a new person each day. Remember that one thing leads to another; therefore, if you are doing something, something else will happen (you’ll have unlimited possibilities). Please don’t overestimate how much energy and time this will take. Start dating again isn’t another full-time job; it’s a nourishing part of life that improves your overall wellbeing.
- Don’t wear “I don’t have enough spare time” energy.
If no one complains to you about having too little quality time with you, you shouldn’t worry about not having enough time. Don’t forget that everyone’s life is painful because life is not easy & everyone has their own challenges to deal with.
In terms of feeling lonely, oftentimes it simply takes one coffee with a close friend to change how you feel completely. In fact, you don’t need to do something huge to feel great again. What’s more, you would be well-advised to set up a new environment where you feel inspired and connected. For example, Jeff is a single guy who has found an environment and a routine which puts him in a much better headspace: he reads a chapter of a book every day because reading a good book is like having an amazing conversation with a thinker; his home always has nice music and mood lighting. As a result, his emotional environment is fabulous. Now Jeff is ready for love. I’m sure Justin will be ready soon.
“Are you taking action to look for true love?”
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