We received an email from a western guy yesterday:
A few days ago, when my Eastern European girlfriend and I went to a bar, she flirted with another man in front of me, which made me really angry and she knows it. Whenever I think about that incident, I feel so bad. What should I do?
A Falling Leaf
Here is our response:
Dear A Falling Leaf,
Thanks for the email.
It seems that you literally rewarded your Eastern European girlfriend for her bad behavior because now she has realized that flirting with another man makes you pay more attention to her by showing how much you actually care. In any relationship, always remember to reward good behavior & punish bad behavior. Please let me explain.
After she flirted with that guy, you didn’t react very well as she could see that you were angry — In her opinion, the fact that you were angry further confirms that you definitely like her. The ideal reaction that she wants from you is to start paying more attention to her immediately. However, the right reaction that you should demonstrate is to be unreactive & then stop giving her too much attention after that.
There is nothing that gets a lady’s attention faster than withdrawing your attention or leaving. The most powerful action is withdrawing your attention when your Eastern European girlfriend shows you bad behavior, for she will need to prove herself to you again. The most powerful word to use with a lady is NO when she violates your standards. After she has flirted with another man in front of you, you can call her out politely and then give her a few days to process what you’ve told her. For example, instead of being mad and paying her extra attention, on your way home that night you can say, “I care about you, yet I just don’t understand why you flirted with that man in front of me tonight. It was such a turn-off. That made me rethink what’s between us.” (Your tone should be calm and firm.) In actuality, it’s not too late now, you can still say this to her because that episode happened only a few days ago.
You can’t control your girlfriend’s behavior; however, you can influence her behavior. Remember: Bars are not the right place for serious relationships & never take an Eastern European lady that you are already seriously dating to a bar where there is too much uncertainty and a lot of competition because of the context of a bar. You should be her guy who leads her to the right direction in life, because as a man, in a relationship you either lead or be misled. Frankly, there is no reason to take your lady to a bar with you. (But never say this to her, “I definitely won’t go to a bar with you.”) If you have to go to a bar with her to attend someone’s private party and she flirts with another man in the bar, then that’s exactly when you should punish her bad behavior so she learns how to respect you well. As a result, you can also turn such a bad thing into a positive thing if you’re well-calibrated.
Dating Coach at DatingInternational.com
In order to have a phenomenal relationship, you must find the right Eastern European woman in the first place.
Last month I received questions about how to avoid cat-fishers on international dating websites; hence, I decided to outline five important strategies.
Strategy 1: You can find out where this person works & where he / she lives.
Usually, when you know this person’s workplace and which neighborhood he / she lives in, this individual isn’t a cat-fisher. For example, you may send a card to their workplace and then see whether the member on that dating website mentions the card or not. If that member doesn’t even mention the card you’ve sent, you know that’s probably a cat-fisher. When it comes to how to find out where he / she lives, you can hire a private detective to follow him / her after work if you can afford that. (This is absolutely legal as long as you don’t get this individual’s personal information.) If this person tells you that they live in the city center but you’ve found that he / she lives elsewhere, you know that’s possibly a cat-fisher.
Strategy 2: You can use Video Validate (https://vv.cool).
Video Validate is a reliable and free tool that you can use no matter which international dating site you join. You can easily send a Video Validate request to a member of an international dating website either by clicking on the Vv icon on their dating profile or sending the request directly from vv.cool — it’s very handy. After that member has created an “introduce yourself” video, you can see the city and state that person is actually in. What’s more, you will see when the video was created, too.
Strategy 3: You only meet this person in public venues & never give them anything you don’t want to give.
This is a simply technique — You only meet this person privately after you have already confirmed that he / she isn’t a cat-fisher. Trust should be built slowly and gradually. That individual has to prove himself / herself to you in the first place.
Strategy 4: You can contact their workplace.
Let’ say a person on an international dating site told you that she is the boss of a company. Now you can find that company’s phone number online and call her – Just say you’d like to surprise her at some stage next week, so you would like to make sure she is actually there. If the boss who answers the phone doesn’t know what you are talking about, you know the member on that international dating site is clearly a cat-fisher.
Strategy 5: You can have a look at their ID card.
Now you are on the first date with somebody you’ve just met on a dating site. Let’s say she is a beautiful Eastern European woman. You can say this, “I can’t believe you are 34 years old because you look much younger than that. Could I have a look at your driving license?” If she can’t even show you her ID card, she is possibly a cat-fisher.
Don’t be paranoid.
Although there are some cat-fishers on the internet, it doesn’t mean you should be paranoid all the time. As I see it, most Eastern European women on international dating sites are genuine ladies looking for love online. Therefore, as long as you’ve joined the right dating site, you should trust your intuition more often.
After starting a serious relationship with your Eastern European girlfriend, you should trust her because she is already with you. Don’t look for problems before they arise!
“A phenomenal relationship is built when there is mutual trust and mutual respect.”