I’ve received many messages from men who find dating and relationships quite difficult: They are dealing with flakey people, fear of rejection and the pain of being ghosted; they are wondering if they’ve found the right relationship or not. Indeed, love is more complicated than what we would like it to be, but there are some key principles that you can master – I’m sure these principles will change the way you approach online dating and your love life if you implement them properly.
- Your partner should start as a friend.
In fact, the most important element in a relationship is a friendship. Please let me explain.
Some people choose partners based on their looks, status, lifestyle, etc. However, the most fundamental thing in a long-term relationship is the real experience of living together: spending time together after work, chatting over dinner, having a walk on the beach on the weekend, and so on. Can you actually have a 60-year conversation with this person?
You two have to be friends if you would like to spend that much time with each other in the long run. You have to be in love with each other’s soul. You must enjoy listening to what your partner has to say. You truly need to understand each other really well.
In other words, if you and your partner are good friends to start with, this relationship will last longer because it’s more sustainable. The foundation of a great relationship is a friendship.
When this friendship is solid, you can look at other aspects such as chemistry, emotional connection, and so forth. Without a true friendship, you don’t really have a high-quality relationship.
- Don’t chase someone who isn’t interested in you.
When you are on an online dating website, you shouldn’t waste your time on people who aren’t interested in you because your time is your most valuable resource.
I understand that you might be attracted to a woman who inspires you to be your better self. However, if a woman is showing disinterest, that has to be a huge turn-off, as this person can’t even meet your needs in the first place.
Remember: no matter how perfect this person looks on paper, she clearly can’t meet your standards if she can’t even be there and show it.
If someone ignores you, this person doesn’t respect you at all. Frankly, when it’s a choice between being liked and being respected, please always choose being respected. Yes, it’s totally possible to do both, yet sometimes there’s a choice – would you like to be a people-pleaser or would you respect yourself & express your opinions and true needs?
Sometimes you have to establish a boundary, clarify a need that you have or call her out on her bad behavior. When it is done correctly and kindly, you will get more respect.
“The right partner has to speak to your mind and make you feel like home.”
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