Dating Q&A: “There is a Slavic lady in our class and I’m in love…”

Question: “I’m doing my Master’s Degree at university and there is a Slavic lady in our class. She is very elegant and I’m very attracted to her. How can I make her interested in me? She already laughs at my jokes, but I don’t know how to talk to her.”

• Answer:

The fact that she laughs at your jokes means she is paying attention to you.

Now let’s start from why you find initiating conversations hard:

Knowledge and skills à competence à confidence à high risk tolerance à high reward

Frankly, right now, you find having/maintaining interesting conversations difficult because you probably don’t have enough dating skills and don’t have a good understanding of female psychology yet. Therefore, the first step is to learn dating skills and acquire relevant knowledge. I highly recommend Mark Manson’s book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty to beginners.

Now in order to help you quickly get started, I’d like to show you how to make this girl interested in you:

As you’ve known her for a short period of time, you need to find opportunities to spend more time with her because exposure leads to attraction. Let me explain.

Do you know why people date their classmates and co-workers? Because exposure leads to attraction, i.e., when a man and a woman spend a lot of time together in the same environment, they fall in love. Hence, you have to increase your exposure in her world.

If your friends already know you have a crush on her, you might get your friends to be your wing men – find an excuse to have a group gathering and include this Slavic lady in it. Let’s say the group gathering has 4 people in total: You, two friends of yours and this girl. Now I want you to make sure that these 2 friends of yours are less attractive than you; otherwise, they will become your competitors even though they don’t want to, because this girl might choose one of your friends!

When the gathering happens, your wing men will find excuses to give you and this girl an opportunity to spend time without them. For instance, your wing men (two friends of yours) will talk about something between themselves without engaging you and this girl, and then these 2 friends will leave early because they have an appointment or something! In this way, you and this Slavic lady can spend quality time alone. That is to say, you get your wing men to help you ask this girl out indirectly, and then you have to isolate this girl strategically. Now you have an opportunity to have a real conversation with this girl without any distraction. During this conversation, you will use a technique called “conversation basketball”. Please let me explain.

• Conversation tennis VS conversation basketball:

Scenario A (conversation tennis):

YOU: What’s your favorite drink?

HER: Matcha.

YOU: Awesome. Which coffee shop is your favorite?

HER: Starbucks.

YOU: Excellent. I like that, too.

Scenario B (conversation basketball):

YOU: What’s your favorite drink?

HER: Matcha.

YOU: That’s so interesting. It’s very Japanese. I guess the Japanese have conquered the world in many ways. Why do you like the oriental flavor?

HER: (She might say something along the lines of, “I like matcha only because matcha makes me feel better when I don’t get enough sleep, whereas coffee makes me feel anxious.” OR “Yes, it’s Japanese. I like it because it tastes so unique.” Whatever she says, you will find a conversation link to extend the conversation, thereby keeping the conversation going.)

In conclusion, conversation tennis is about two people trying to get the other person to talk immediately without providing much information or value in the conversation – both people are expecting the other person to give more value.

By contrast, conversation basketball is about giving more value in your response. Interestingly, when you give more value in your response, she will also give more value in her response due to Law of Reciprocity.

“Gradually, that will lead to a deep and meaningful conversation which is decorated by some funny jokes.”